Tips for Parenting Success
The aim of this article to equip young parents who strive to live according to the teachings of the Catholic Church with practical ways to parent their children. Many of the tips found here are from methods suggested by parents whose children have become young adults today, virtuous and practicing their faith. These parents come from diverse walks of life: from working parents to stay-at-home parents; with one child or several children. Each family can take from them what they think can be useful in their family and in their specific stage of life.
The Importance of Parenting in the Catholic Faith
Forming the First Society: Becoming a parent is the creation or the beginning of the first smallest group of the greater family of God in the Catholic Church. The modern secular world emphasizes the control of procreation through birth control methods, condoms, abortion, etc. However, becoming a parent in Christian faith is a cherished celebration because the child is a gift with many gifts, and ultimately a physical and spiritual ambassador and heir of Christ.
Giving the Child Membership in the Body of Christ: The sacrament of baptism also makes the newly Christian baptized child a member of the big community of believers who are expected to support the spiritual growth and development of the baptized. The Catholic Church teaches that “the baptized child has within themselves an actual bond which tends, by its very nature, towards the parents who gave them life and education, and they also cannot but show them gratitude for life, family and love…”
Journey of Holiness: Becoming a parent is a journey of hope sanctification because the parents could look for personal holiness through and in the eyes and laughter of their children as well as in the sacrifice they make for them.
Nurturing a Virtuous Life + A Gift to Society: Successful parents nurture the natural life of the child implanted by the God who conveys and influences the child’s soul. That is why parents should place great trust and faith in the ways of God and adhere to the Catholic teachings on virtues because these are needed to help the child live out her gifts and callings as well as serve her community.
It is clear that parents have an irreplaceable role in the spiritual and psychological development of their children. For this reason, it can be said that the success and happiness of the parents is partly dependent on the success and happiness experienced by their children at home, in their faith, and in life in general. Therefore, parenting is a lifelong vocation which a person should wish to receive in order to begin. Parenting implies interaction with, care for, and diligence in the broad sense to the greater community of humanity, to the greater body of Christ himself.
Parenting Tips
- Prayers as a Family
Foster a Strong Prayer Life: Catholic parents have the crucial responsibility of leading their children to God. In order to lead, however, it is of utmost importance to foster religious faith through a strong prayer life. Otherwise, the task at hand of raising the family wouldn’t be possible. The following are prayer tips that have been very helpful in starting a young family and in growing spiritually as parents:
Ask for Grace: Humbly and sincerely ask God for the grace to lead the family to Him. Ask the Lord to help make the family a true family of God. Pray for the help of the Holy Spirit to continue every day to give a good example to the children and the strength to teach, to create an atmosphere of love and understanding, to discipline with love. Morning and night, take the children in prayer, as our model, Jesus Christ did whenever he made tough decision such as choosing his disciples.
Model a Prayer life: The children need to see the parents’ example of prayer. Spend time together talking to God. Consistency is initially hard to learn, but later when the importance of a strong relationship with God is observed, it becomes easier for them to remember and above all, practice, the willful desire to spend time in prayer.
Practice Gratitude: Remember to sincerely thank God for the times of peace and tranquility, as well as for the times of difficulty and suffering. Pray in moments of intense suffering and question: “My Lord, why is this happening?” Pray for the courage to accept the necessary trials needed for the good of the child and for your spiritual growth as parents.
Ask for Direction: Pray for direction in choosing what is best for the children, for teaching them and allowing them understanding, for seeking ways to solve problems reasonably, for loving the children as God wants them to be loved.
These prayer intentions nurture spiritual growth and bring with them the grace of facing God’s guidance and building a life centered in Christ. Thus, it is by “praying constantly,” “always and for everything giving thanks,” that the parents can “discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.” (Romans 12:1-20).
Family Prayers Together: The opportunity to meet together and for family contact provided in the course of the day has a substantial educative role. Such opportunities can include family prayer time such as family rosary once a week. A shortened version of the rosary or a children version of the rosary with only one Hail Mary per mystery (which is slowly increased as they get older) can be done as a family daily or once a week at minimum. Family prayer will help the children to understand the importance of acknowledging the Creator and divine providence, during the usual times of rest and assigned meals. They also learn that there is an authority above all humans and above their parents who expects good behaviour and good choices for the sake of the greatest forms of good for them and the whole world at once. Invoke Saints such as the Holy Family: the Virgin Mary, Saint Joseph, and Jesus as household patrons before setting off together in the morning, and when reunited in the evening.
2. Teaching Values through Scripture & Classic Storybooks
Use the stories, drama, and morality in the Bible to teach your children: – Every time you use a Bible story, stress the drama and morality of the story. Try to engage them in the storytelling. Have them stand up or jump and act out parts of the story. What is essential is to capture their attention, their imaginations, and make the story relatable. These ancient stories dealt with problems your children face every day. By bringing out the morality and drama in the stories, you are preparing your children to apply the virtues to situations they will need it.
Evergreen Morals: – You should not model morals of a story specifically to one gender e.g. the gender of the main characters. It is ok to have children speak about lessons learned from the story – irrespective of the gender of the main characters.
Hands on Activities: Schedule 10-15 minutes per day to have a hands-on activity. Remember that children learn more and retain more of what they learn when they experience it. This can be integrated into helping them with homework or working through a Bible story together.
Praise for participation: – Since children tend to thrive on praise and become discouraged easily, praise their participation in the discussions. Know what the class can handle and understand that not everyone can ask a question.
Weekly Bible Studies: Choose a day in the week for family Bible studies. For example, every Friday evening. Make them lighthearted, fun and engaging by reading a short story and asking each child to bring their own favourite story or passage from their own children’s Bible. Keep the whole thing short – to about thirty minutes to one hour maximum. Integrate songs, prayers – in which each child and parent makes an intercession o a prayer of gratitude.
Positive feedback: – Give your children feedback regularly and often to let them know you are proud of them. Use personal comments. They know when you are sincere and when you are not. Be specific. For example, “You organized all your toys on your bookshelf today. That shows you took responsibility for your toys.”
Being a role model: – In order to teach a virtue, someone must first possess that virtue. Reflect on yourself often and be the role model. Always treat family, friends, neighbors, and strangers with respect. Try to live the Ten Commandments and Beatitudes.
Giving a Modern-Day Situation: – Write down on small pieces of paper or cards, different types of temptations that a child today might face in an everyday context. Have your children pull one of the cards out daily and discuss that type of temptation. The discussion should center around what they should do in that type of situation. Their answers won’t always be correct but by discussing the how and whys, they will be prepared with the virtues to respond correctly should they come across that situation.
Storytelling Tips: – Sometimes you may want to use a book and read the story straight from the text. Other times, more entertaining stories can be gotten from having the children tell the story. Here is how you can do this. Be sure to clarify any child’s thoughts.
3. Engaging in Acts of Service as a Family
Parents should model the follow acts of service and engage their children in them from a very young age. Engaging in acts of service as a family is a meaningful way to live out your Catholic faith, strengthen family bonds, and make a positive impact in your community. Here are some tips to help Catholic families incorporate acts of service into their lives:
Set a Family Mission Statement: Create a family mission statement focused on service. This statement can help keep your family focused and united in your efforts. It could be something simple like, “As a family, we commit to serving others in love and kindness, following the example of Jesus Christ.”
Identify Local Needs: Look around your community to identify where there is a need. Local parishes, food banks, shelters, and community centers are often in need of volunteers. Contact these organizations to see how your family can help.
Make it Age-Appropriate: Choose service activities that are suitable for all family members. Young children can help with simple tasks like sorting food donations or making cards for the elderly, while older children and teens can take on more complex responsibilities.
Participate in Parish Activities: Many parishes offer service opportunities such as visiting the sick, organizing food drives, or participating in community clean-up events. Get involved in these activities as a family to serve alongside fellow parishioners.
Volunteer Regularly: Make service a regular part of your family routine. Whether it’s weekly, monthly, or quarterly, having a set schedule for service activities can help ensure that it becomes a habit and a priority.
Use Special Occasions: Utilize birthdays, holidays, and other special occasions as opportunities to serve. Instead of traditional gifts. Consider doing a service project in honor of the occasion. This can help instill the value of giving and gratitude in children.
Educate Your Family: Teach your children about Catholic Social Teaching and the importance of service. Discuss the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy and find ways to incorporate them into your service activities.
Serve with Joy: Approach acts of service with a joyful heart. Children learn by example, so showing enthusiasm and a positive attitude towards service will encourage them to do the same. Reflect on the blessings that come from serving others and share these reflections as a family.
Reflect and Share Experiences: After each service activity, take time to reflect on the experience together. Discuss what you learned, how it made you feel, and how it helped others. Sharing these reflections can deepen your family’s understanding and commitment to service.
Be Consistent: Consistency is key in making service a natural part of your family’s life. Regularly participating in service projects helps to build a habit of giving and reinforces the importance of living out your faith through action.
Lead by Example: Parents should lead by example in service. When children see their parents actively engaged in helping others, they are more likely to follow suit. Demonstrate kindness, empathy, and generosity in your daily interactions and service activities.
Involve Extended Family: Encourage extended family members to join in your service activities. This can create a larger impact and foster a sense of community and shared purpose within your extended family.
Engaging in acts of service as a family is a powerful way to practice and grow in your Catholic faith. It teaches children the importance of compassion, generosity, and living out the Gospel message. By praying together, identifying local needs, participating in parish activities, and reflecting on these experiences, your family can make a meaningful difference in the lives of others while growing closer to each other and to God.
4. Prioritizing Family Time
Children need to get to know their parents as individuals, not only as authority figures. A child who has a positive, educational, respectful, and fun interaction with their parents has a better sense of who is called to teach them spiritually. Simple quality time can also redirect negative behavior, build positive behavior, and have a lasting impression on your children. Just like in the story of the Prodigal Son, spiritual education and discipline with a solid foundation built on love and compassion will bring children back to their Catholic faith, even after they go astray.
Family time also helps parents get to know their children better. Educating children through our exceptional examples will decrease the number of children who search for love in the wrong places. Family time should be quality time, not quantity time. Making healthy snacks, playing a game, participating in a spiritual activity, or just communicating to share the day’s events can become quality time for the family. Here are some ways to foster quality family time.
Create Family Traditions: The phrase “family traditions” brings to mind a variety of things in different people. For some, it may be picturesque Christmas Eves, Easter mornings and so on. For others, it can be said to be cooking/baking or dining together, sports events, annual family trips, family rosary, Bible study Friday, game nights, movie nights, reading together, support to charities, to name a few. In general, family traditions are a unique way of uniting those most dear in the family with both others within and outside the family.
*No Phones/Gadgets rule: It is important that parents implement a non-gadget rule for family traditions and all family activities. In fact, children should ideally not have access to social media until age fourteen and these should be supervised at that time until they are a bit older. See further below for more information.
Spending quality time together as a family is essential for building strong, loving relationships. For Catholic families, integrating faith into these activities can deepen your bond with each other and with God. Here are some meaningful activities Catholic families can do together:
Attend Mass Together: Attending Mass as a family is a cornerstone of Catholic life. Participating in the Eucharist and other sacraments together fosters spiritual growth and unity. Make it a priority to attend Mass together every Sunday and on Holy Days of Obligation.
Family Rosary Prayer: Praying the Rosary as a family is a powerful way to reflect on the life of Christ and seek the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Set aside time each evening or at least once a week for this meditative prayer.
Scripture Study and Reflection: Dedicate time to read and discuss the Bible together. Choose a passage to read aloud and then share your thoughts and reflections. This practice can help deepen your understanding of God’s Word and how it applies to your daily lives.
Volunteer Together: Engage in acts of service as a family. Volunteering at a local food bank, visiting the elderly, or participating in parish activities are excellent ways to live out your faith and strengthen family bonds through shared purpose and compassion.
Family Pilgrimage: Plan a pilgrimage to a nearby shrine, basilica, or other holy site. These trips can be both educational and spiritually enriching, providing a unique opportunity to learn about and experience the richness of the Catholic faith.
Celebrate Feast Days: Celebrate the feast days of saints and liturgical seasons. Incorporate special prayers, meals, and activities related to each feast day into your family routine. This helps to teach children about the saints and the liturgical calendar.
Create a Family Prayer Space: Set up a dedicated space in your home for prayer and reflection. Include religious items such as a crucifix, statues of saints, prayer books, and candles. Use this space for daily prayers and as a reminder of God’s presence in your home.
Faith-Based Movie Nights: Watch faith-based movies or documentaries as a family. After the movie, discuss its themes and how they relate to your Catholic faith. This can be both entertaining and educational, providing a springboard for meaningful conversations.
Outdoor Activities and Nature Walks: Spend time outdoors appreciating God’s creation. Go for nature walks, have a picnic, or participate in outdoor sports. Use these moments to reflect on the beauty of nature and God’s handiwork, incorporating prayers of gratitude.
Crafts and Projects with Religious Themes: Engage in arts and crafts projects such as painting, making clay objects, gardening and so on. You may also consider doing artwork which have religious themes such as rosaries, decorating candles. These can be fun and educational for children, helping them to express their faith creatively.
5.Seeking Guidance
We are so blessed to have so many great resources that target Catholic young parents. Facebook groups are a great way to connect with others who share the same faith and face similar challenges. We find that reaching out to other young Catholic parents for advice and support is an invaluable resource. Do you have a favorite book, blog, or website that you have found to be beneficial in your journey as a young Catholic parent? You can share those below. For now, here are some tips on getting guidance.
Priest or Spiritual Advisor: Priestly guidance can hold the key to resolving many of the problems resulting from the challenges that young married couples face. It is also extremely beneficial for them to associate with other couples and families of shared philosophical, theological, and relationship values and to take the time to socialize with the other families of their community.
Guidance from other Resources: Since it may not be possible for the couple to fully integrate prayer and sacramental activities into their schedules while remaining faithful to their responsibilities and constantly changing schedules, they need to understand where their priorities should lie in order for them to cope with this stage of their lives properly. This may mean seeking other parental support such as counselling and therapy. It is important that these other supports are people of their Christian faith or at least respectful of their faith. Otherwise, there is a risk of devaluing of the Christian spirit.
7. No Smartphone or social media until age 14
In today’s digital age, social media has become an integral part of everyday life. While it offers many benefits, it also poses significant challenges and risks, especially for young children.
For Catholic parents, the decision to delay their children’s access to social media until they are older is rooted in both faith and concern for their well-being. See the book, Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt for ample reliable data on the risks of early exposure to social media for children including a high risk of mental health problems. Here are compelling reasons why Catholic parents should consider this approach of delaying access to social media for children below age 14.
Protecting Innocence and Moral Integrity: Catholic teaching emphasizes the importance of preserving the innocence of children. Social media platforms often expose young users to inappropriate content, such as violence, explicit material, and harmful language, which can corrupt their moral integrity. By delaying social media access, parents can help shield their children from these influences during their formative years.
Encouraging Real-Life Relationships: Social media can detract from the quality of real-life relationships. Children need to develop strong interpersonal skills, empathy, and the ability to communicate face-to-face. All of which are ingrained desires of our human nature. These skills are best learned through direct interactions with family, friends, and peers, rather than through virtual connections. The inability to function well in real life relationships can trigger mental health issues. See book by Jonathan Haidt, titled, Anxious Generation, for data on this.
Fostering a Healthy Self-Image: The pressures of social media can significantly impact a child’s self-esteem and body image. Platforms are filled with curated and often unrealistic portrayals of life, leading children to compare themselves unfavorably to others. By keeping children off social media, parents can help them develop a healthier self-image and avoid the pitfalls of online validation.
Reducing the Risk of Cyberbullying: Cyberbullying is a prevalent issue on social media, with devastating effects on young minds. Delaying social media access can protect children from the emotional trauma and psychological damage caused by online bullying. It also gives parents more time to teach their children how to handle such situations responsibly and assertively when they eventually go online.
Promoting Academic Focus: Social media can be a major distraction, affecting a child’s ability to concentrate on their studies. By limiting access to social media, parents can help their children focus better on their academic responsibilities, leading to improved performance and a stronger foundation for future success.
Teaching Digital Responsibility: Introducing children to social media at an older age allows parents to guide them in developing a sense of digital responsibility. Parents can educate their children about the potential dangers of the internet, the importance of privacy, and the long-lasting consequences of their online actions. This foundation is crucial for navigating the digital world safely and ethically once they have access.
Strengthening Family Bonds: Spending time together as a family without the distractions of social media fosters stronger family bonds. Activities such as family dinners, game nights, and outings encourage meaningful conversations and shared experiences. These moments are vital for building a cohesive family unit grounded in love and mutual respect.
Aligning with Catholic Values: Catholic values emphasize the importance of living a life centered on faith, love, and service to others. Social media often promotes materialism, vanity, and self-centeredness, which can conflict with these values. By delaying social media, parents can help their children focus on cultivating virtues such as humility, charity, and gratitude.
Setting a Positive Example: Children learn by observing their parents’ behavior. By modeling a balanced approach to technology and social media, parents can set a positive example. Demonstrating moderation and prioritizing real-life interactions over virtual ones can instill similar habits in children as they grow older.
Delaying children’s access to social media until they are older is a prudent decision for Catholic parents who seek to protect their children’s innocence, promote healthy development, and align with their faith values. By focusing on real-life relationships, fostering a healthy self-image, and teaching digital responsibility, parents can better prepare their children to navigate the complexities of the digital world when the time comes.
